5 Tips to Make the Stay At Home Mom Life More Enjoyable
Hey hun! It’s LaBrea! I want to have a real honest conversation with you that you may or may not have been able to talk freely about. Are you ready?
The Stay-At-Home-Mom Life is not all that a lot of us thought it was going to be.
I want to first start by saying that I love being a mother. It is truly my greatest accomplishment after giving my life to God, but most days are full of chaos and conflict that I am responsible for managing. And God has had to give me the tools, the support, and the patience to operate in this role. But I never thought that I wanted this life. Let me give some context.
I am 30 years old and I met my husband when I was 24. Very early on in our relationship, he made it clear that he desired a wife who would stay home and nurture his children. Then I made it very clear that I would not be that woman. But after 5 years working in social work, and feeling the effects that burnout in that field brings, I decided to quit my job to pursue a private business venture. At the time, I did not know that I was growing two little humans inside of my belly. And neither did my husband when he decided to take a job in our home state and we put our home on the market. From the moment I saw those 2 lines on that pregnancy test, my life was forever changed.
Now, I never thought, even from that moment that I was going to be a stay at home mom. It never even registered to me until we were planted in our new home in Mississippi. And I honestly didn’t know what I was getting myself into. The last 3 years have been filled with overwhelm, disorganization, and tears. Don’t get me wrong, as I said earlier, there are vast amounts of moments that I sit in the beauty of my life and thank God without a shadow of a doubt that I am a right where I need to be. But I don’t want to wash over those hard moments like there hasn’t had to take major development from me to be able to withstand the hard days.
And that’s what I want to be appeal to you today.
I want to give you 5 practical tips + 2 bonus tips God provided to live a more enjoyable life as a stay at home mom.
Are you ready? Let’s get right into it.
Always keep reminders of your “why” for being a stay home mom.
One of the biggest struggles of enjoying this journey is the constant competition of opportunities that present themselves in our lives. Maybe it’s people sending you “side hustle” opportunities, or telling you to go back to work, or even seeing women (that you know and don’t know) live “extraordinary” lives that create envy and jealousy in our hearts. We see them going on trips, posting perfectly angled photos of lavish dinners, and making what appear to be unbelievable claims about “100k months. All the while, we are “just” changing diapers, making dinners, and keeping a clean house. It makes our lives feel so small and insignificant at times.
But I want to encourage you to see things a different way. Each of us has a different why for becoming a stay at home mom (even if it wasn’t our first choice). You may have decided to prioritize the time nurturing your children, decided that the money you were making wasn’t worth having to put your children into daycare, or just want to stop operating in the sometimes toxic systems that dominate the world today. When times get hard, you must remember these things. It doesn’t serve you to look at other’s lives when they do not have the same values as you do. (And a lot of them aren’t happy either so the goal shouldn’t be to aspire to be them).
Some practical ways to do this are to make it a part of your mindfulness practice or your quiet time with God. Tools like prayer boards or a prayer journal can help keep you focused on the goals at hand. If you are home to save money for your family, identify what that savings will be for (i.e. new home, car, or personal luxuries) and keep them in the forefront of your mind and your life. Print photos of these things so that you (and your spouse) can remember during the hard times.
Interested in a prayer journal or tools for mindfulness. Here are some that I found that I would use to keep me focused and centered.
The 5-Minute Mindfulness Journal: Daily Practices for a Calmer, Happier You
*As an Amazon Associate, I earn commission from qualifying purchases.*
2. Create systems for EVERYTHING in your home.
Now, I will be honest. This concept is one that I still struggle with but I feel comfortable sharing it because when it works, it WORKS! For a lot of stay at home moms, specifically millennials leaving the work force, this is the first time in our lives that we have been responsible for managing our time. In school and in careers, we are given syllabi, curriculum, and work flows when we walk in the door and we learn how to adapt to those systems. But in your home, you are the author of your systems. Though that can sometimes feel scary, it can be empowering. Check this out. Here is a list of some systems that you may need to start troubleshooting in your home:
Meal Prep and Management - I have a blog post about a meal prep concept that saved me! Check it out!
Home Organization, like laundry, cleaning, and home supplies
Money Management
Education for your children
Family Time and Relationship Development
This list is not exhaustive but just a few places to get started with making small changes in your home to have things running effectively and smoothly. It can be overwhelming to think of this list in it’s fullness and try to conquer it. I would encourage you to pick one and communicate with your partner or your support team about how to make it better!
3. Remember that you can’t do it all.
I’m sure you hear people say this all the time, but I want to make it plain for you. Have you heard of the concept FAST, CHEAP, & GOOD? If you haven’t, I will make it plain. Think of a product you purchase. It’s unlikely you will have every category operating all at the same time. If you are going to get the product fast and cheap, it probably won’t be a good product. If it’s good and cheap, it probably won’t get to you fast. And if you get something fast and good, it will probably not be cheap.
Now I want you to apply this to your life with these three words. I heard a woman use these words in context to motherhood (if I ever find her I will be sure to link her because it was a beautiful visualization!). In motherhood, it is hard to experience PEACE, PRESENCE, and PRODUCTIVITY all at once. If you are choosing to be present with your family and to have peace, this may not be the day that you will be very productive with your responsibilities, and that’s okay! If you are choosing to be productive and at peace, this may be a day where you can’t be as present and your family may have to operate in autonomy today. Again, it’s okay! And if you are choosing to be present with your family and also be productive, that may mean a little less peace for today. I want to encourage you that it is temporary and everyday won’t feel like this.
I want to, as your mom friend, give you permission to remove these unnecessary expectations from yourself and identify for yourself what those priorities are for you!.
4. USE YOUR SUPPORTS ( OR CREATE THEM!)
This tip is listed at #4 but it honestly should be number one. This is an area that can make or break you and unfortunately it’s an area that causes lots of moms to feel debilitated and alone. It can be easy to focus on what we do not have or what we feel that other people should be doing in our lives. But I’m going to let you in on a little secret (it’s really not one though). This is a way that the enemy distracts of from the bounty of resources that God can provide for us and even reveal to us if we only ask.
Now I am not saying that God is going to make your mother or partner be someone that they are not open to being. Of course, God will reveal to us areas that we need to change but we have to do the work. But, in the meantime, God can fill the void for you that you are missing if you only trust him. If you are in need of a break, God can reveal resources to you! Maybe it is in the form of a Mom’s Day Out program, or daycares at your local gym that are part of your monthly membership. Maybe there is someone who is willing to help you and take something off your plate and all that’s missing is you making the need known! I encourage you to take that step!
And for those who have trusted supports that you feel safe to use, USE THEM! You are not a burden for asking for help and people are much more willing to help us than we think they are. And don’t be like me, don’t feel less inclined to ask for help just because people may not able to help one time that you need it! God has given us a beautiful community (or the ability to ask for and create one) and we will have much more of an enjoyable time if we just use them.
5. Don’t underestimate the benefits of getting out of your house!
I laugh when I think of this one, because I had a friend say this to me and I remember thinking, “Is she crazy? I have twin boys! I can’t just be all outside like ‘other moms’”. Though at the time, it was very difficult for me to fathom being outside with my sons, I now can admit that some of my best days with my boys are when I prioritize activities with them. I find myself saying “no” and “stop” much less and seeing them through God’s eyes much more. I don’t know if I am just speaking for me or for someone else as well but much of the overwhelm of this experience is looking at what my husband calls “these 4 walls”. Now, someone is going to read this and think that they should just leave their home in disarray and go out all the time to avoid their household responsibilities and to that I will refer you back to Tip #2. However, there is something therapeutic about leaving your home (like you used to before becoming a Stay At Home Mom) and enjoying one of the luxuries of this gig which is personal freedom.
Now where you go is completely up to you! You can choose to spend money or choose to do free activities that are offered. One cool thing we did this year was use all of the boys’ birthday money to get them a membership to the zoo! Taking them for the first time alone was not as bad as I thought it would be and it was a great way to get them out of the house and to get me out of the house. And by the time we were all done, we were at the extremely coveted nap time so I then got at least 2 hours to myself to either rest or to complete my responsibilities. Again ladies, SYSTEMS! There are plenty of options. You just have to go looking.
Now I have two bonus tips if you’ve made it this far! Again, if you want to know what I mean when I say God gave it to me, comment down below and I will make a blog all about it!
Prioritize Self-Care
The term “self-care” has become such a hot button word that really the meaning of it has been lost on people. I would define self-care as things you do that refill, refuel, and or refocus you. This journey is hard and if we keep our minds and bodies wrapped up in only these responsibilities it can sometimes be hard to keep going. So that’s why you have to learn what your mind and your body need to reset in order to be in a place to serve. That’s what we do all day. And it is not often that we find ourselves in the receiving end of this so we may have to take a more active role in filling this for ourselves.
During what I could call one of the roughest parts of my marriage, I would spend so much unnecessary time talking to myself (and others) about how my husband wasn’t giving me my love language. This is another overused term. But, I’m glad I had that thought because through it God led me to a question. “LaBrea, do you give yourself your own love language?” From this, I researched ways to do just that. I would encourage you to check out this website about determining which of the 5 Love Languages you identify with most and then check out this article about how to give yourself your own love language.
Link up with a veteran stay at home mom!
Last but not least, find a VETERAN that knows the hardships AND the joys of this journey. We are all still in the thick of learning our systems and our values. We sometimes lose sight of the beauty of the FULL PICTURE and we need God to send us all a physical person who can help encourage, guide, and educate us on things we feel lost about. And that’s what veteran moms do. They have seen it all and done it all (good and bad) so their insight may be more helpful than a mom who is in the same stage as you. Now don’t get me wrong. You still need those moms who are in the same stage as you. Sometimes you may just need to vent and talk about how are it is and be encouraged in the fact you are not the only who is experiencing this, but don’t stay there. Choose the balance you in your life when it comes to support from others.
And that’s all ladies! If you want any more tips or have any tips you would like to leave for other moms please feel free to do so in the comments below. I appreciate you for taking the time to read this article and thanks for going on this journey with me!